The Virginity Test: How to Tell If Your Child Is Still a Virgin

On the way to school, Dad asked his teenage daughter, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"

She answered, "No."

Dad asked, "Have you done the kissing thing?"

"No," she replied. "I have never kissed a boy."

Dad said, "How can you avoid the boyfriend, the sex, and the kissing, when you so are surrounded by it? It's everywhere you turn!"

She said, "But Dad. I'm not surrounded by it."

Dad said, "Don't your peers talk about those things a lot when you are together? And when you go online too?"

The daughter calmly told Dad that boys, kissing and sex were not a major topic among the teens she hangs out with at school or online.

Dad, not convinced, asked again, "Are you still a virgin?"

Almost a forbidden question, coming from an Africa-born-and-raised man. The culturally African thing to have done would be to have asked his wife to interrogate their daughter about the matter. But spending more than 17 years in the United States has helped to desensitize him to the utmost secrecy that prevails in the traditional African setting about sex talk.

There was another practical reason that prompted Dad to engage in this sex-ed discussion with his daughter, who seems to be growing taller and more beautiful by the month. Daughter and Mother have not been having great conversations lately. Since the girl turned teenager over two years ago, most exchanges between her and Mom continue to be less friendly. Dad did not want this important subject to become the latest casualty of another angry exchange between the two ladies of the house.

To Dad's question, his daughter replied, "Yes, Dad, I'm still a virgin. And I intend to stay that way."

"And for how long?"

She did not answer.

Dad was kind of shocked that his daughter was not shocked by his blunt question. But Dad was relieved to hear Daughter speak with a level of confidence that made him think she was telling nothing but the truth. Her truthfulness is often suspect, based on past behavior. This is the girl that will have her mother's lipstick all over her lips, and when asked, "Did you use Mom's lipstick?", will answer, "No" with seeming confidence.

With Teenage Girl's response, the somewhat proud dad did not know exactly what to think, though. "How do I know for sure that my lovely teenager is still a virgin? Or that she's not?"

In Dad's hometown back in West Africa, he recalls that parents have a reliable way of knowing a daughter's virginity was in tact. Only mothers of the town know how to conduct the Virginity Test. The African mother does not have to take her daughter's word for it. Oh, no. She can get solid proof with an ancient test that every mother in the village is convinced has never failed once.

Now that this African dad in America wants to be sure about his daughter's abstinence status, he starts thinking if his own wife knows how to administer the Virginity Test. Even though, like him, his wife was born and raised in West Africa, he knows his wife was what you call a city girl, who is usually not familiar with the customs of traditional African customs.

The virginity thing is not something the couple has discussed before, but Dad plans to ask his wife sometime soon.

Meanwhile, for the rest of the ride to the high school, where his daughter is a sophomore, Dad and Daughter talk about the importance of keeping her virginity as a treasure to give that special person when she's done with her education. Yes, education first; education now. Sex later; much, much later.

Is there any guarantee that, in such a sex-crazed, sex-crave society like America, his hope for his daughter's sexual restraint will be realized? Any chance his prayer will be answered? He can only hope so, or he can take his daughter to the next "True Love Waits" event at a Christian church, camp or stadium, so she can take the Abstinence Vow and wear the Abstinence Ring as evidence that she will remain a virgin until Honey Moon night. Any comfort there?

Better yet, the next time Dad visits Africa, he may just be able to bribe one of those smart village mothers into letting him in on the Virginity Test, the sure thing. And while there he will find out if a similar test exists for sons, for boys, but for that he may have to ask the African fathers. Good luck, Dad!