The Death of Friendship - When a Friendship Dies

When friendship ends, former friends often become disappointed, or worse. But this need not be the case. You can experience a better closure to the death of friendship, so that a little piece of your life does not die with every deceased friendship of your past. For this to happen, you need to look at the "failure" or downfall of every friendship differently. As serious as the death of a friendship is, it can be a time to refresh and regroup, without taking yourself off the shelf at Friendship Mall.

For a redemptive end to your relationship with a one-time friend, do this:

1. Reject resentment: Say, "I refuse to be bitter or resentful towards my ex-friend."

2. Regret nothing: Instead of regretting the end to your friendship, say, "I choose to savor all the good times we spent together and the good things that came from our friendship when it was alive and well." Do the same thing that bereaved people do at funerals; moan the loss but cherish and treasure the precious memories associated with the deceased.

3. Express gratitude: Say, "I am grateful and thankful that our paths crossed and our lives connected. Somehow I believe this world is a better place, because we met and shared our lives."

4. Don't feel abandoned: Tell yourself, "Just because our friendship has ended does not mean my ex-friend betrayed or abandoned me. It doesn't mean he did not appreciate all I did for him, or what we meant to each other. There may be things going on in her life that I can't or don't understand for now, but that doesn't make her a traitor."

5. Identify a purpose that the friendship served: Say, "Our friendship has served a purpose. Perhaps it was meant to be only a seasonal or temporary friendship, which is no less valuable than a permanent friendship."

6. Believe that you remain a potential friend: Speak these words to yourself, "For my part, I refuse to consider my one-time friend an enemy. My ex-friend remains a potential friend, but I will leave that to the twists and turns of life. If he comes back, I'll be here, but I won't bank on that, and I won't put my life on hold until that happens. If our friendship never makes a come back, I'm fine with that too."

7. Work on "a better me": Say, "I will work on myself, so that the next person who is fortunate to have me as a friend will have one of the best friends they ever had. Yes, I'll remain friendly and keep the entrance to friendship a double door, ready to fling wide open again if life would have it so. To the next friend, I will be a far better friend than I was to this former friend."

Being a great friend means that you understand the value of friendship. But it also means that you've learned how to bring positive closure to a fallen friendship, so that your life is not shattered or set back every time a friendship dies.